The Older Crowd




Today at the drugstore, the clerk was a gent.
From my purchase this chap took off ten percent.
I asked for the cause of a lesser amount;
And he answered, "Because of the Seniors' Discount."


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I went to McDonald's for a burger and fries;
And there once again, got quite a surprise.
The clerk poured some coffee which he handed to me.
He said, "For you Seniors, the coffee is free."



Understand - I'm not old - I'm merely mature;
But some things are changing, temporarily, I'm sure.
The newspaper print gets smaller each day,
And people speak softer - can't hear what they say.


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My teeth are my own (I have the receipt),
And my glasses identify people I meet.
Oh, I've slowed down a bit...not a lot, I am sure.
You see, I'm not old...I'm only mature.



The gold in my hair has been bleached by the sun.
You should see all the damage that chlorine has done.
Washing my hair has turned it all white,
But don't call it gray....saying "blond" is just right.


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My car is all paid for...not a nickel is owed.
Yet some kids yell, "Old duffer...get off the road!"
My car has no scratches...not even a dent,
Still I get all this stuff from a punk who's "Hell bent."



My friends all get older...much faster than me.
They seem much more wrinkled, from what I can see.
I've got "character lines" not wrinkles...for sure,
But don't call me old....just call me mature.


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The steps in the houses they're building today
Are so high that they take all your breath away;
And the streets are much steeper than ten years ago.
That should explain why my walking is slow.



But I'm keeping up with what's hip and what's new,
And I think I can still dance a mean boogaloo.
I'm still in the this I'm secure,


Are we a part of 

A distraught senior citizen 
phoned her doctor's office. 
'Is it true,' she wanted to know, 
'that the medication
you prescribed has to be taken 
for the rest of my life?' 

'Yes, I'm afraid so,' the doctor told her. 

There was a moment of silence 
before the senior lady replied,
'I'm wondering, then, 
just how serious is my condition
because this prescription is marked 

An older gentleman was 
on the operating table 
awaiting surgery 
and he insisted that his son, 
a renowned surgeon, 
perform the operation. 
As he was about to get the anesthesia, 
he asked to speak to his son. 
'Yes, Dad, what is it? '

'Don't be nervous, son; 
do your best 
and just remember, 
if it doesn't go well, 
if something happens to me, 
your mother 
is going to come and 
live with you and your wife....'


Eventually you will reach a point 
when you stop lying about your age 
and start bragging about it.

The older we get, 
the fewer things 
seem worth waiting in line for. 


Some people 
try to turn back their odometers. 
Not me!
I want people to know 'why' 
I look this way. 

I've traveled a long way 
and some of the roads weren't paved.


When you are dissatisfied 
and would like to go back to youth, 
think of Algebra.

You know you are getting old when 
everything either dries up or leaks.


First you forget names,
then you forget faces. 
Then you forget to pull up your zipper 
It's worse when 
you forget to pull it down. 

Long ago 
when men cursed 
and beat the ground with sticks, 
it was called witchcraft...

Today, it's called golf.

Two old guys 
are pushing their carts around 
when they collide.

The first old guy says to the second guy, 
'Sorry about that. I'm looking for my wife, 
and I guess I wasn't paying attention 
to where I was going.'

The second old guy says,
'That's OK, it's a coincidence. 
I'm looking for my wife, too.
I can't find her and I'm getting a little desperate.'

The first old guy says, 'Well, 
maybe I can help you find her.
What does she look like?'

' The second old guy says, 
'Well, she is 27 yrs old, tall, 
with red hair, 
blue eyes, 
long legs, 
and is wearing short shorts. 
What does your wife look like?' 

To which the first old guy says, 'Doesn't matter, 
--- let's look for yours.'

*** ******************

'Lord, Keep Your arm around my shoulder, 
and, Your other hand over my mouth!